Dear Sky...

Dear Sky. I would just like to point out that your service is a little bit ever so crap! I have had your services since last December and have had nothing but problems.

We had speeds on the internet worse than dial up circa 1999. The guy who came to set it up said we did not need the filter thingymejigs....yet apparently we did as this was part of the problem of the crappy internet speed. We had issues on the day of installation with the phone line going active. We had a bloody awful phone line, scratchy and sounded like something from 1975! 

We have never been able to purchase on demand films to watch from sky store because the set top box is not linked to the phone line, that phone line out the back of the box was dangling. I had a very frustrating call to a foreign call centre where by i just physically could not understand what he was saying but the odd word I did I gathered that this wire should have been plugged into a phone line on installation, he could not help me and put the phone down. 

On placing the set top box on the floor in the middle of the living room, and stretching the wire across the living to the other side I could plug it into a phone line to add the pin to be able to purchase a film but then of course the internet went down and stopped so I then had to sort that out and the film downloaded so slowly it was not done till the next day. Yesterday our phone line went down...dead,

I can't call you and can't seem to access someone to talk to online as you are so busy! Tonight we decided we wanted to watch bad neighbours but alas on fixing the cable across the living room it still does not work because the phone line is not working....(we did wonder if it was our phone but this proves it is the line). The internet of course stopped working again.

We have had nearly 10 months of this, the service is crap crap crap. Oh and let alone the issues of the shall i work shall i not work 2nd box in the other room...I am tired and I am stressed, I shouldn't have to be as quite frankly our lives are bloody stressful enough with problems and issues I shan't bore you with on here. I want to know how much it will cost me to now get out of this bloody disgusting service so I can go back to Virgin and have some decent service without stress and hassle....it would be lovely and we would really appreciate it if you would waiver the rest of the contract fees but failing that please let me know asap so I can get on with ending this nightmare...with thanks...seriously pissed off of surrey :(

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Dear Donny....

There is too much to say in a twitter post so please excuse me for re directing you here.

I want to say thank you so very much for phoning tonight. It made my day, actually it made so much more than that xx.

Things have been tough here. I have a little boy Julian (Jules) who has cerebral palsy and has partial hearing, eyesight and sensory problems. We are going through a stressful time due to a large legal claim against the hospital where he was born as they were negligent. Our boy is our hero, he had no heartbeat for 31 minutes and we were told he would not live. He was put in a cold coma (brain cooling) to limit damage. He is our world and our life and our everything.

I have been around the world to see you...remember that crazy flight from Sydney to Wellington? If you google wellington airport on youtube you can see some very hairy landings like ours was that day! 

I have been to Vegas to see you quite a few times but not in the past three years due to Julian although in 2010 we saw you doing that engagement special. The last time I came to see you over there with Marie I was pregnant with Julian and he bopped away inside me enjoying the beat of the music. I am sure he would be a fan too but unfortunately Mr Gangnam man came along and our boy is obsessed with him lol

When I met my sweet husband 5 years ago I calmed down and stopped travelling the world so much but have introduced him to your concerts with Marie and he thinks you are an amazing entertainer and fully understands why I enjoy your concerts so much...I think he may have a secret crush on Marie too lol. We loved your shows over here back in January even if we did have to battle the snow to make it. I also took my daughter to the Cardiff one. She was so excited you rang tonight and a bit gutted she did not get to say hi I think. I bought her to see you in 2008 in Vegas and we had a meet and greet and she went all shy and silly, she has seen you in concert many times and has great memories. She is now ten and tells me that if she met you again she would not be shy, she burst into tears when we left you and Marie as she was so upset she got shy and could not talk to you.

I told you about our wedding back in Vegas last year on 12.12.12...I forgot to say that of course with a date like that and being a donny fan I had to walk down the aisle to 'Twelfth of Never' the minute I heard the first few bars I burst into tears. The song means so much to me, I have always loved it and it always reminds me of the long weekend concerts you did back at the Orleans in 2006 and of everyone singing together. It also reminds me of being alone in recovery the night Julian was born. Roger and gone to the hospital the baby was transfered to to be with him and I was being told the baby would not make it. I laid there thinking about how do you plan a funeral for a baby, what songs are appropriate? The songs that want through my mind were twelfth of never and never gonna say goodbye....that later still brings such a massive lump to my throat. Luckily we did not need to use them for that.

Our Twelfth of Never Las Vegas wedding xx

Today I had been through a stressful hospital appointment for me with Neurology as I have had lots of symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis so was feeling really down as it had not been a very positive appointment but that little chat with you really brightened everything up.

I just want to say thank you for making my day but also for taking the time out to make other peoples days so often xx I have heard so many lovely stories of other such calls and other such lovely donny moments and how they lift and make so many peoples days when you do this. You are such a lovely sweet man :)

Now please, can you tell us if anything is happening exciting to celebrate your 50 years in entertainment, we are all bursting with excitement and I need to know if I need to sell one of my children to afford another trip to america? Only kidding I won't sell my children but I may sell my Roger ;) lol xx

thank you once again Mr O xx thank you for all the fun concerts, not just from me but from all these other crazy UK ladies xx

ps please could you follow my little Julian's page on twitter he is the most clever 3 yr old...we aim to give him many many sensory input 'things', he was transported the night he was born in an incubator called the globetrotter so we aim to make that a massive thing for him, the gift of travel and to see the world and we are in the process of writing a series of books to raise money for his therapy centre. His name on there is @julesbouncybaby and pps...don't you think my son looks like a younger you? lol everyone tells me he does...he is 17 and does not really think thats cool, sorry lol xx

who is who? lol

Jennie meets Donny and Marie, las vegas 2008.

We love Singapore, We love SIA!

I am going to write a full trip report about Singapore....but we loved it, we want to say thank you to Singapore Airlines who flew us there with 3 tickets we won in a competition and for re booking the trip when we were unable to go in November as Julian ended up at the hospital.

.....singapore is amazing...we have so very much to say....stay tuned xx

Us...the history behind!

Facebook, what a wonderful invention! Back in 2008 (well actually a while before that also) my marriage to my ex had been in trouble. He was my best friend but with hindsight I am not so sure we should have been in a relationship. I loved him like you love a best friend and I guess the whole male/female thing possibly got in the way....anyway like I say hindsight is a wonderful thing....the beauty of it was we got our wonderful princess Jennifer so I can't regret it....anyways, to cut a long story short I was not happy. I was in a terrible depressive state with it all. I was also that summer in a bit of a state as that October I would be approaching my 37th birthday...a birthday my own mother never saw as she died of unknown causes when she was 36 so for me to reach 37 or be the age she was when she died was terribly messy for my mind.

Mid September I came across Roger on facebook. I had known him very vaguely back 20 years before. He had worked with people I had been friends with. We knew each other by sight and had been party to group conversations back in the day but that was all. I saw him on there and recognised his face on a group page of where he used to work that he had set up when I had been searching for other friends. I joined the group and said Hi. Apparently he liked the look of me and remembered me and tried to find a way to enter into a conversation with me so he sent a group email about a reunion and I was the first to bite and reply to it and he then splintered off the joint email to be a personal one to reply.

Naughtily and possibly wrongly we were both married still but like me he was and never had been happy. Roger being a libran starsign is also like me when it comes to love...we both just wanted to be loved, both had always wanted to be in a relationship for companionship, I guess neither of us knew what real love was. He like me had some disastrous relationships in his past. He had married for pretty much the same reasons as I had, companionship. He like me was in a pretty depressive way. He was on the verge of leaving her having made the decision some months before whilst he had been on a holiday to New York although like me he had always dreamt of leaving and something else right from the start.

So, here we were, 2 very similar people feeling very similar things but please do not for one moment think that was the reason  we got together because it was far more than that.

I still have the email thread from our conversations back then. I have never deleted them, in fact I once printed them out and put them in a folder as a valentine's gift for Roger and we often pour over them together wondering how we got together and how we both realised there was something more going on. Our emails were not full of love or lust as some may think. We spent a lot of time talking about other things, one of them New York. I had also commented on his holiday photos of New York as I had also been and we had this mutual love of the fabulous city. He has since said it was partly my passion in what I had written that made him realise I was so much more than my green eyes he had loved.

Anyway, somewhere, somehow along chatting about our children, our love of New York and other things we obviously both had a feeling sparking for each other. I had looked at his photos and saw a miserable unhappy man in the majority and also saw a man with a spark looking at pictures of him when he was out and socialising with his friends. I was also struck by the look in his eyes, the fact he was a big tall beefcake and one thought that always went through my mind was how much I would love to have a cuddle from him in his big strong arms. 

DISCLAIMER: sorry, sick bags/buckets do not come with this blog.

He had been doing likewise and looking at my photos and feeling similar things. He had even printed a picture out of me on A4 and had it close at hand on his desk.

We were both feeling happier, other people noticed. This email thing went on for 2 weeks and towards the end of it we had also started texting as well. I remember being sat at work one day and reading a text that took my breath away it was so beautiful and I gasped out loud and everyone asked what it was...when I explained they all thought he sounded wonderful and wanted a 'Roger'.

We had toyed with the idea of meeting up but it was more a 'we should meet for a cuppa' kind of thing than anything else. Then one Friday night I just felt so strongly that I needed to meet him as I knew he would be travelling back to Devon for 4 days the next day (as he commuted between the airport and devon for work and home staying with a friend whilst up this way) and I just knew I had to meet him. I can't put my finger on what it was I just had to see him and text him saying so. We arranged to meet the next afternoon when he finished work.

It was a bright sunny day in late September. We arranged to meet in a local large park. I arrived and he text me to tell me where he was parked and I started to walk over to meet him. He got out of his car and I just remember thinking yep, that's the Roger I remember and wow....as he got out of his car he kind of uncurled himself and stood up tall. We had a hug like how you would great a friend but to be honest I just wanted to stay in his arms. We started to walk over to where there was a pond and some benches. I felt kind of nervous like I knew the rest of my life depended on this.

I have to say despite a very outgoing persona I am inside a very shy nervous person. I hide it very well but I have no self confidence and I worry constantly. I would never ever ever make the first physical move as I believe no one would want to or feel that way towards me so what I did next still confuses me to this day.

I do not know what happened but walking across that car park I suddenly said 'stop' and from nowhere I just gave him a kiss. Not a great snog, just a firm peck to the lips and as I pulled away said 'that's better' he smiled and was happy and we held hands and carried walking towards the bench. We both say we knew for sure then we were in love...soppy old buggers eh.

Then for the next 2 hours or so we just sat on that bench watching the world go by, chatting and laughing, holding hands and just sitting there pretty much as we still do on that bench to this day. Tactile I think is how you would describe it. We were facing each other yet sat very close, his arm was round the back of the bench and would stroke my shoulder, I would laugh and put my hand on his etc you know how it goes...we were very comfy and relaxed with each other. Those 2 hours flew by and neither of us wanted it to stop but he needed to head home and so did I.

We did sit in his car for a little while and yes we had a lovely kiss...the way he kissed me made me feel like a princess and the most beautiful woman ever and he has since said that is exactly what he wanted to portray to me.

DISCLAIMER: you still have to provide your own sickbags.

When we left each other we both knew it was something so special we both knew we wanted to be together. I guess when it is right it is right you just can't fight it...so we didn't.

Yes it may have been wrong, yes we hurt some people but when you have spent so long unhappy what do you do? Do you stay there and be miserable for the rest of your life or do you take that chance on happiness? 

When your husband or wife knows the marriage was never right or never correct and admits it, admits they have known for years it was over yet never did anything to remedy it or put any effort in whatsoever should you stay and be miserable?

Within a week Roger had left his wife, and about 2 weeks later I ended my marriage. I would have done it that day I met Roger I was so sure and figured then well if this is not what love is all about then I do not want to be unhappy any longer even if Roger did not want me but I had a family holiday that the children were very excited about so did not want to ruin that for their sake but I ended my marriage as soon as we got back.

I know a lot of friends and family were very confused by the speed of it all but we just knew...suddenly we could breath again, suddenly we were feeling real happiness and love and it was lovely.

Things were really tough for Roger and in someways still are...far too much to go into here but all things that proved we both did the correct thing.

We knew right away we wanted a baby, some may say that is really silly but then when have I ever been known to be sensible.

We started trying about a month after meeting for a baby...Jules took quite a few months to come along.

Roger asked me to marry him, on our bench where we first sat on that first date on our 3 month anniversary of meeting. We were both still married obviously and whilst some may feel being 'engaged' was therefore wrong but he wanted to show his commitment to me and vice versa. It took us far longer to get married than we wanted but what with divorces and other things including Jules, well we finally got there in the end and what a lovely day that was. Finally we were Mr and Mrs Leyster...few months on we still look at each other and say bloody hell we got married and laugh and giggle about it like two teenagers....but then that is us...two teenagers, we should have been together 20 years before and always been together but for whatever reason we didn't and the time was not right but it sure is now!

...and I thank my mum for sending me the best most amazing present for my 37th birthday, for the birthday she never had, for the life she never lived she gave me the ability to live my life in happiness, finally xx

This picture always makes me smile. Roger had organised for the day after he asked me to marry him a lovely day to celebrate. To show his love he took me ice skating on the frozen lake of doom as he called it...what this picture does not maybe show is how bloody scared he was and how bambi like he was on the ice...we then went across the road at Hampton Court and had a lovely meal in Blubeckers to celebrate as well.

There's no place like home!

We finally left the hospital about 7pm...maybe a tad earlier but I don't think so. I knew we had a very excited little girl waiting for us at home who also needed to get to bed for school the next day.

His hearing test before we escaped.

I so remember wrapping Jules up in his pram suit and tucking him in the car seat. I felt so very proud we were finally going to have a proper new parent moment. Everything else had been so wonky and about face.

Roger loaded the car as we seemed to have a whole lot of stuff from our long stay. 

I and I know Roger did felt very emotional...emotional as we handed back the key to our room that we had been staying in and emotional as we went and said goodbye to everybody. I did not want to do this as I just wanted to slip out as was not sure I could face everyone. People said how well he had done and I felt so strange. We said goodbye to lots of the other parents too wishing them well with their little (some very very little) ones.

Finally we were heading for the door, finally we were going to break free.

I think I cried the whole way out.

Very very proud daddy with his boy.

We had one last laugh and chuckle at the willies sprayed onto the ceiling of the lifts one more time. I remember looking at thes the night I was wheeled into this hospital and thinking how awful someone would spray onto the lift in a maternity hospital. It took me a number of days and looking at it from a different angle to realise they were winkies lol

Finally...our little fella smelt fresh air and had a breeze on his face...he frowned bless him.

We felt like we were stealing him. I love these pictures of Roger.

With the car loaded and Jules strapped in we headed home. I cried as we pulled out and stared at Jules the whole journey home not believing that he was coming with us. It was a moment I had not really dared to believe would actually come true.

The kids were starving as we had tried to order some food from Sainsbury's delivery the day before but they would not deliver it as Roger had not made it back in time so even though there was begging and pleading they took it away again...who'd have thought sausages and some pizza's etc would be so dangerous for a 17 year old!!

I dialled and ordered pizza to be delivered so it would be there when we got home....forward planning and all ;)

When we got home we got him inside and then did pretty much what I have done with all my other babies and that is plonked him down in his car seat and thought hmm what on earth do we do with him now. Everyone wanted a cuddle but he was asleep an the pizza turned up so I issued some threats about waking him, we ate the pizza and then let everyone have a cuddle. It felt so strange finally seeing him at home.

I had prepared his crib a week or so before I had him so it was all ready to go, waiting under a sheet to keep the dust off (paranoid mum). 

I can not even begin to tell you how utterly fantastic it felt to sink into bed that night. To feel the comfort. Those hospital beds are so flat and awful. The feel of the duvet after hard starchy sheet was amazing. Even using our own bathroom...all those things you take for granted.

I was waking Jules every 3 hours at this point even through the night till we knew he could take larger amounts to maintain his blood sugars so not entirely sure we had more than little sleeps in between feeding, changing and getting him back to sleep.

Waking the next morning to our gorgeous boy in his crib was a dream come true. What else was there to do apart from bring him into bed for a snuggle with mummy and daddy before his next feed and of course a fantastic photo opportunity.

During his time in NICU Jules underwent a lot of things....my next post will be all about that. I haven't finished, I have lots more to write about it all....aren't you all so lucky lol xx

Valentine's and Jules 3 years ago....

Just to break up the story a bit and because my lovely hubby is taking me out tonight so I won't have time to write up something longer this evening, I just wanted to share this from valentine's 3 years ago. Some may find it awful, some may think it is lovely, however I was stuck for what to do for Roger for Valentine's so set the camera up on timer and took this and then did some edits to it and added the Valentine wish and framed it in a love frame that sits on his bedside table now :)

This is what love can make....

Promoted To 'Homing in'.

Well once his blood sugars were on the level and seeing that I was in meltdown they agreed to let Jules come to my bedroom in the parents rest area.

I had been there for a week at this point. When he woke up I was turfed out of the post natal ward but they offered me a room for two nights. I really feel strongly that I was not capable of being on my own. I was in a lot of pain still and struggling to move. My pelvis was very bad after the operation. I felt very bruised down there so I feel that my legs and pelvis had not been supported. I suffered with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction)so it 
must have been easy to cause me pain what with it being a tad 

delicate. I remember the first night laying in this single bed in a room so cold and drafty that the curtains were blowing.I was freezing, I was shaking and I do not feel the cold so bad. I did not know what to do, I could not move as my pelvis had locked and I was in so much pain from the c-section still and had been helping myself into and out of bed using the arms and headrest on the hospital bed when I had been downstairs on the post natal ward but here I was on a bed where there was nothing to grab hold of. I felt totally stuck. I think I cried just about all night.

Roger had to go home and check the kids plus I wanted to know he was getting sleep plus he was bringing in and washing my bits for me and taking food back for the kids etc. I eventually managed to move enough to get my by now big fat swollen feet and legs (thanks to not moving much and being sat in a chair all the time in NICU with the heat etc) by using the weight of my big fat lardy body I had managed to grab hold of the sheet and kind of shuffle myself around.

The morning after the second night I felt like my life was about to fall apart. I could not stand to leave him now he was awake, it felt wrong. I know many people have to leave their baby in NICU but when they are months premature versus full term only in now to establish feeding I feel that it is important that Mum is on hand. I would never have been able to establish breast feeding with the rules as it were and I would not have been able to drive back and forth to see him due to the c section and we felt that Roger was being nagged by now for a date to return to work and worried if I was home and he was at work for 12 hours a day how and when would I get to see Jules? 

That morning I had a shower and fell badly, it was so slippery in there and I just remember being on the floor sobbing my heart out trying to figure how I was going to leave Jules. They realised I was in a bad way when I got to see Jules and when the ward matron said about me going home I said well I will leave the room but I am not leaving him, I am going to sleep in the car outside or on the sofa in the parents area. I felt very strongly about leaving him especially at night. I had mentioned before that the day nurses were amazing but the night ones were mainly foreign it seemed to be and one had left him in a dirty nappy for a number of hours that had made him very sore and she did not seem to care. It was heartbreaking for me to find him sore and wet and been left so long that it had dried to him. They checked the notes and confirmed he had not been changed yet I could smell it as soon as I got close to him. Likewise the same nurse was almost causing a fire by putting a tea towel over a spot light on the desk to dull the light...it was smelling burnt and I had to beg her not to put it on there and went and complained to the nurse in charge...my baby boy was right next to it and after this I felt I could not relax and would be up and down all night checking on him. I was getting more and more tired and more and more run down because of this and only felt I could go and get a few hours sleep when Roger was with him during the daytime or one of the daytime nurses I trusted was working.

Anyway they realised that we were both emotionally in a bit of a bad way, we had done this journey primarily very alone and the staff kept expressing shock at us being alone and I think it was one thing that worked somewhat in our favour as they took pity on us and offered us a double room which we then had for a few nights....so it was to this room that Jules was let loose to us.

I remember pushing him through the double doors in his crib and out of the pain NICU into the waiting area and then into the parents area and through the door to the bedroom to shock Roger who had been having a catch up nap. I think he thought I had finally broke and kidnapped him lol.

So there we were....parents alone with our gorgeous boy for the first time. First thing I wanted to do was change him and give him a wash so what was the first thing Jules did...yep he pulled out his nasal tube. Ten minutes after we had left I was back there explaining what he had done and that it was half out and what to do. I do not think they believed me and thought it was me I think but they told me just to take it out so I did :) he was now free of wires except the one monitoring his breathing.

We knew we had to keep an eye on his feeding to make sure his blood sugars stayed up as we knew this was the catalyst for us to escape so I was waking him every 2-3 hours for some milk. I was even setting my phone alarm because if they came in to do a random check and his sugars were low he would be back to the ward. Well we worked really hard because each time they came he was doing really well. 24 hours after I made noises about wanting to go home. I had to get back due to child care for Jennifer and I had just about had enough and had severe cabin fever. I had been going out for the odd short try to buy bits or for a meal but I just wanted and needed my bed, Jules needed his family and the family needed us. They were very unsure and it took all day to get us discharged. The primary delay was waiting for the pharmacy to send up the prescription milk...then the consulant caught wind of our escape attempt. This was the one who had been leading us down the path to switch off life support about 10 days earlier. Jules had already been passed as fit to leave by a doctor but he would not let us go until he had checked him as he did not believe he was ready.

I held my breath the whole time he was examining him but shocked the consultant stood back and said I can not believe how good he is to me it seems he is a normal reacting healthy baby...and he signed us off...we had already packed by this point and were tapping our fingers to go, I think we may have walked anyways. I felt I had proved I could look after him safely and keep his sugars up etc and I wasn't stupid I would have taken him right back, in fact one of the nurses had said this that I had my wits about me and we would be fine!

I guess the only upsetting thing that day had been that he failed the hearing test but I will come to that in another post....